Sights for Sore Eyes
Like most everyone over 40, sharks have difficulty seeing anything further than 50 feet away.
We'll both eventually need new sets of teeth.
Sharks roll their eyes into the back of their heads when they attack prey. We do the same while watching the news or whenever our kids ask for money.
Early Bird Specials
We both eat dinner at the same time each day — whenever the hell we want!
Lonesome When You Go
Like us, sharks are perfectly OK with peeing in the ocean.
Eat Prey Love
A great white shark eats an estimated 11 tons of food a year — slightly less than your average 50-year-old man on vacation.
When taking a single bite, sharks are able to generate over 40,000 of pressure, roughly the same amount we put on our kids to hurry up and give us grandchildren.
Bobby Darin Lives!
Also like us, sharks smile whenever they hear "Mack the Knife."
The Shallow End
While at the beach, sharks and most of us in our fifties have been known to go through incredible lengths to camouflage our bodies.
Where Everybody Knows Your Name
We both sometimes have a hard time keeping our heads above water.
Sleeping With the Fishes
Neither can remember the last time they got a good night’s sleep.
Da Nuh ... Da Nuh ... Da Nuh Da Nuh Da Nuh Da Nuh
Without regular feedings, both animals have been known to bite someone’s head off.
It's been a half-century since the classic Peanuts special first aired on CBS, so we thought it was time they acted their age
80 reasons to love the funniest man who ever lived
The biggest rebels of the 20th century didn't start out that way
15 celebrities' funniest lines about Thanksgiving
Some of the greatest—and few of the strangest—Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloons of the past nine decades
From raunchy and provocative to mild and misunderstood, an eclectic playlist of singles that radio stations refused to give airtime