OK, let's really "face the facts"! No one's lucky enough to ward off coughs by smoking cigarettes — regardless of the brand.
A New Kind of Hat
This "new kind of hat" may not have grown hair, but was perfect for storing personal missiles.
La Parle Obesity Soap
Shortly after this ad ran, we can only imagine throngs of disappointed, overweight, great-smelling women were demanding their money back.
"Kotex meets the most exacting needs" ... um, like ice skating.
Lukens: Atomic Energy
After looking at this ad, we can only assume that most chose atomic energy.
For that special glow-in-the-dark look.
"Your Most Highly Prized Possession: Good Health," reads this ad for radioactive water.
Mmm, rich in dextrose! This might've sold more as an IV drip.
Weight Gain Treatment
"But since I gained 10 pounds ... I have all the dates I want." This was in a dream, right?
Bad Breath Cure
"Are you unpopular with your children?" Maybe it's your stank breath? Yeah, that must be it.
Health Builder Exercise Machine
Because any exercise you can do while wearing high heels has got to be good.
He should at least have enough energy to watch football all day.
La-Mar Reducing Soap
Forget La Parle's Obesity soap! La-Mar Reducing Soap washed away fat AND wrinkles!
Milk of Magnesia
Nothing says family vacation like Milk of Magnesia.
"Gain solid pounds of flesh." The only reason to buy this tonic would've been if it came with bacon.
This must've been where Men's Health first got the idea.