Who needs a real turkey when you can crack open a shelf-stable can of meat product and get your creative on? Like the ad says, "No bone, no waste, no surplus fat." Yum! Oh, and no leftovers, either.
A smoke in-between every course? "For digestion's sake"? Seriously?
Californians have long danced to the rhythm of a different beat. But c'mon!
Bugles, Whistles and Daisys
Because nothing says Thanksgiving like a bowlful of orange-colored junk food and a mountain of creamy cheeses spiked with Worcestershire sauce.
Ah, the warm and soothing flavor of flat, piping-hot soda. Why didn't we think of that?
A single marshmallow dish simply won't do on Thanksgiving. Three is better, for sure. After all, these Campfires are manufactured "with a nourishing food substance as their base." (Probably best not to ask what that might be.)
Meet Marjorie Woodworth. She was Chesterfield's Girl of the Month one November long ago. Not only did Marjorie light up, but she also went out and shot her own bird. Or so it appears.
Uh, actually, it doesn't make the leftovers "taste like Thanksgiving all over again." Not even close. Nice try, though. Now, get lost!
Banquet Frozen Dinners
If you're thinking of having the entire clan pull up folding tables and watch a little TV this holiday, then the frozen dinner route might be a fine idea. Otherwise we'd suggest saving the Banquet for another day.
We've got no beef with Hellmann's. In fact, we're big fans. But we have to draw the line at molded food that's shaped like a big fat, gelatinous candle—and burns! That goes double during the holidays.
Lucky Strike Cigarettes
Not exactly Don Draper-quality ad copy, but here goes: "Thanksgiving is a doleful day for turkeys and the like—but you will have a happy time if you smoke Lucky Strike." Hey, she said it, we didn't.
This one might require some explaining. You see, the dress is from Sue Brett; Alamac is the knit fabric that the garment is made from. We'll go out on a limb here and guess that the loose-fitting knit outfit lends well to over indulging on a holiday such as this.
Kraft Orange Mallow Yam Yums
Let's be charitable and assume that this dish was meant for the children's table. The implications of anything other than that are just too horrible to bear.
The lady doesn't look much like a beer drinker to us, but all right. We're just glad she isn't pounding one back at the moment. After all, once she's finished reading that book, you know what's gonna happen.
We're sorry, but this guy looks way too happy to be holding a giant carving knife in his hand. If it were our party, we'd pour the dude another shot and let somebody else take care of the bird.
Old Gold Cigarettes
Now that's a smoked turkey. Which is not necessarily a good thing.
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