Relationships

15 Things Older Guys Think When a Beautiful Young Woman Pays Them the Slightest Bit of Attention

Spoiler alert: None of the following is particularly pretty

This is what older guys think they look like.

1. “The old guy still has it!”

2. “Which one of us is supposed to be December again?”

3. (Whispers to self) “OK, remember, Miley Cyrus has short hair and Rihanna is black.”

4. “Acting all sweet and nice to me isn’t gonna get you a bigger tip, honey.”

5. “What I wouldn’t give to spend one night with her … without having to pee 17 times."

6. “‘Hey Nineteen’ was a lot funnier when it was a Steely Dan song, and not my freakin' life.”

7. “Daddy issues.”

8. “She could be one of my daughter’s friends. I wonder if she saw ‘American Beauty’?”

9. When did I become Maude and women become Harold?

10. “Great. My fly must be open. Again.”

11. “If I were only ten years younger … and then ten years younger than that.”

12. “I knew buying these expensive designer glasses that make me look like a big shot Hollywood producer would eventually pay off.”

13. “If only.”

14. “This is like an episode of 'Curb Your Enthusiasm,' except that Larry David is a billionaire.

15. “I wish it still worked.”

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