“Mellow Yellow,” Donovan
The lyric: “I’m just mad about fourteen”
Don’t let the innocent hippie songster act fool you. Fourteen? In Atlantis, maybe. C’mon!
“Girl, You’ll Be a Woman Soon,” Neil Diamond
The lyric: “Soon, you’ll need a man.”
The guy is biding his time as he waits for a child to turn legal age. His hair and sideburns creep us out, too.
“Young Girl,” Gary Puckett & The Union Gap
The lyric: “My love for you is way out of line”
Ya think? There’s gotta be a special place in Creepy Dude Hell for this joker, are we right?
“Mack the Knife,” Bobby Darin
The lyric: “On a sidewalk, blue Sunday mornin'/Lies a body just oozin' life”
Even a psychotic rapist and child murderer deserves an up-tempo tune written about them every now and then, we guess.
“Run for Your Life,” The Beatles
The lyric: “I’d rather see you dead little girl/than to be with another man”
Not the only Fab Four tune that shows questionable judgment, but maybe the one at the top of the list. (Oh, right, there was “No. 9.”)
“Come On Eileen,” Dexy’s Midnight Runners
The lyric: “You in that dress/My thoughts I confess/Verge on dirty”
No shit, Sherlock. Badgering a youngin’ to give it up ain’t ever gonna make you cool.
“Brown Sugar,” The Rolling Stones
The lyric: “Scarred old slaver know he’s doin' all right/Hear him whip the woman just around midnight”
You need an explanation? Really?
“My Sharona,” The Knack
The lyric: “Such a dirty mind/Always get it up for the touch of the younger kind”
We’re thinking these guys must’ve been big Gary Puckett fans.
“Alabama Song,” The Doors
The lyric: “Show me the way to the next little girl/Oh, don’t ask why”
We won’t ask, but the cops are likely to have a few questions.
“All the Girls Love Alice,” Elton John
The lyric: “Getting your kicks in another girl’s bed/And it was only last Tuesday they found you in the subway dead”
Sir Elton belted out some pretty tawdry tunes back in the day.
“Excitable Boy,” Warren Zevon
The lyric: “He took little Suzie to the Junior Prom, excitable boy, they all said/And he raped her and killed her, then he took her home”
Call us crazy, but anytime somebody gets raped in a song, we are majorly not down with that. All right?
“I Don’t Like Mondays,” Boomtown Rats
The lyric: “And school's out early and soon we'll be learning/And the lesson today is how to die”
What’s not creepy about a song written about an incident where a young girl shot a bunch of school kids?
“Little Sister,” Queens of the Stone Age
The lyric: “Hey, little sister, can I come inside, dear?/I wanna show you all my love/I wanna be the only one”
“He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss),” The Crystals
The lyric: “If he didn't care for me/I could have never made him mad/But he hit me (da-da-da-ah) and I was glad”
Hey, we don’t write this stuff, we only report on it. Eesch! No wonder it never got any airplay.
“Warm Leatherette,” The Normal
The lyric: “The hand brake/Penetrates your thigh/Quick — let's make love/Before you die”
We think we need to take a shower now. Yes, right now!
“All Mine,” Portishead
The lyric: “You shan't escape/Tethered and tied/There's nowhere to hide from me”
We shan’t listen to this tune without a sharp blade and an exit plan.
The lyric: “As a child/Tied down!/That's a good boy/And fucked!/Your own child”
Douche chills. All over.
“Dead Babies,” Alice Cooper
The lyric: “Well, we didn't want you anyway lalalalalalalalalalala”
Can you believe this?
“Chloroform Girl,” Polkadot Cadaver
The lyric: “Don't let me catch you sleeping again/You're only alive because I like you/It's been three years since you've seen the sunlight/But I know you're having fun — bound, gagged and chained up in my basement”
Uh, actually, NOT fun. Sorry.
“Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen,” Neil Sedaka
The lyric: “Tonight’s the night I've waited for/Because you’re not a baby anymore”
Maybe not a baby anymore. But pretty goddamn close. Perv!
“Girlfriend in a Coma,” The Smiths
The lyric: “There were times/When I could/Have 'murdered' her”
“Touch Me, I’m Sick,” Mudhoney
The lyric: “I won't live long, and I'm full of rot/Gonna give you — girl — everything I got”
Such a lucky girl, no?
“All By Myself,” Green Day
The lyric: “I went to your house, but no one was there/I went in your room/I was all by myself"
In our day, a man kept this kind of self-lovin’ to himself.
“Long John Blues,” Dinah Washington
The lyric: “Yes, I went to Long John's office and told him the pain was killin'/He told me not to worry, that my cavity just needed fillin'”
Long John is a dentist. As if that mattered.
“Date Rape,” Sublime
The lyric: “Come on, baby, don't be afraid/If it wasn't for date rape I'd never get laid”
We'd gladly kick this guy’s ass, but Ron Jeremy beat us to him. In the video, at least.
Fresh perspectives on aging in films that are genuinely moving or funny—and often both
Hit singles of the '70s and early '80s that had only one mission—to make you get up and dance
The Backwoods Barbie who became a country-pop icon
Major stars whose performances landed on the cutting room floor
Long-running shows that went out with a bang
The best of the blues-rock legend who gave up a piece of her heart with every song