"Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed."
"Who picks your clothes—Stevie Wonder?"
"Don't call me sir. King Jew will do fine."
Photo via Getty Images
On Frank Sinatra:
"When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket."
Photo by Gene Arias
To Sinatra, the first time he came to see Rickles' stand-up act:
"Make yourself at home, Frank. Hit somebody."
Photo by Gary Null
"Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera."
""Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap."
"Regis Philbin is here, my dear friend. He goes down to Notre Dame, crosses himself, then they put a football in his ass and kick him."
"Scorsese was our director. He had phone books under his ass so he could see the actors."
To Jay Leno:
"You got a smart, chichi crowd here. Look at that, they're all in their underwear."
Photo by Margaret Norton
To Johnny Carson:
"Now we're both happily married. You went through a couple of warm-ups, but..."
"You throw your best punch. Otherwise don't do it."
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