This is a big moment for Ellen DeGeneres. She's about to hit the road for her first comedy tour in 15 year, while celebrating (not coincidentally) the 15th anniversary of her talk show, "Ellen." The upbeat and inspirational show, which has won a record 59 Daytime Emmys, is a reflection of its beloved host, who manages to combine genuine niceness ("Be kind to one another" is her favorite message) with a comic edge. Click through for 20 prime examples of Ellen's wisest and wittiest lines.
"In the beginning, there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better."
On Her Childhood
"People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant."
On Her Upbringing
"I was coming home from kindergarten—well, they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for 10 years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves."
"I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I'm a huge celebrity."
"I'm a godmother; that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me 'god' for short. That's cute. I taught her that."
"I have just learned that penguins are monogamous for life, which doesn't really surprise me all that much because they all look exactly alike. It's not like they're going to meet a better-looking penguin someday."
"I like my coffee like I like my men ... I don't drink coffee."
On Being Different
"If someone ever says you're weird, say thank you."
"Nothing says holidays like a cheese log."
Here's a Thought
"Just go up to somebody on the street and say, 'You're it!' and just run away."
On Working Out
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
On Her Grandmother
"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now, and we don't know where the hell she is."
Ellen's Golden Rule
"Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?"
On Media Exposure
"You say you`re sick and tired of hearing about me? I`ve got news for you: I'M sick and tired of hearing about me."
"Above all things physical, it is more important to be beautiful on the inside—to have a big heart and an open mind and a spectacular spleen."
On Dressing for the Occasion
"You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress."
On the Oscars
"Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person. It just means you're not a good actor."
On Deer Hunting
"Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and have streamers in their antlers because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot."
"My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The piña and the colada."
"Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer."
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