Talking about the things you still need to do with the rest of your life is boring.
Just shut up and do them.
Everyone wants to be the hero of his or her own story.
Although we don't recall that many heroes wearing a leash.
It sometimes takes an entire lifetime to finally like your face.
That goes double for not caring what anybody else thinks about it.
Dance like nobody is watching.
And by "dance" we mean "pee."
Curling up in a ball and hiding is sometimes the thing to do.
But maybe don't make this into too much of a habit.
Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Fart and you fart alone.
Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.
Except for when they change the locks.
Know your limitations.
Pilates always kicks our ass.
Keep your friends close and your imaginary friends closer.
Not sure what we're supposed to do with our enemies.
It’s important to take a good passport photo.
Now we just need somewhere to go.
Readiness is all.
Karaoke always makes us happy.
And the answer to the obvious question: "More Than This."
Always let wet nails dry.
Particularly if you still need to do your hair.
All you need is love.
And sex. And maybe food. Love, sex and food. And then maybe a beverage. Love, sex, food and drink. That should just about do it.
On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.
Um … hello?
Man's best friend is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself, so maybe it's time to listen up
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