It's been long enough since I left my ex that I'm able to be grateful for all the good things we shared, which includes some of the best sex I've ever had.
When Mark and I met, we were both in our 40s. Neither of us had the hot young bodies we'd had in our youth. But the love and the connection were there. And Mark brought a lot to the table: experience; stamina; fabulous technique; and an even more fabulous imagination.
Just as important, we were comfortable enough with each other to boldly go where neither of us had gone before in bed. Sex was intimacy. Merging. Magic. But also? Slapstick.
For the first time in my life, sex was not only fun but funny.
It didn't happen all the time, but when it did we called it Comedy Sex. Which is? When the two of you end up laughing so hard during lovemaking that everything stops. It happens when you're having sex that isn't afraid to go to places you've never been, including veering into the ridiculous.
I was happy to have found a man who loved to make me laugh as much as he loved to make me come.
In my youth, sex—while awesome—was still new. I had no idea what I was doing and getting it right, it seemed, meant taking it seriously. One of the good things about getting older is that you don't have to take anything as seriously as you once did. And that includes getting naked with another person and getting busy. You realize that there's no one way to "get it right." So, you can just relax and let the good times roll.
We'd be in bed together when something he said would remind me of a song lyric and I'd start singing him some stupid Billy Joel tune or the words from a '60s-era sitcom theme song that was totally incongruous, given what we were up to, and we'd go from bonking ourselves silly to laughing ourselves silly.
Or we'd be fooling around and one of us would say or do something that wouldn't come off as expected, and instead of making us blush, it would just crack us up. A move we decided to try would result in an epic fail–and instead of feeling awkward or embarrassed, we'd make fun of each other and end up snuggling and snickering.
Once we tried a position that went so totally wrong that I actually fell out of the bed. The floor was carpeted, so luckily it was a soft landing, but I still had the wind knocked out of me. A moment later, Mark was looking down at me, concerned. But when he saw that I was OK, we both broke up.
"So, what'll it be, Goofy?" he asked, when we finally settled down. "Are you in or out?"
Falling out of bed in your 20s is embarrassing. In your 60s, it's merely ridiculous.
Let's face it: Sex has always been a bit ridiculous. It's just that we've now reached the age where we can accept that. Laughter in the dark isn't a bug. It's a feature!
Of course, life isn't always fun and games. After 20 years with Mark, I left him when I discovered that he'd been two-timing me with another woman. So, you could say that the joke was on me. But I'm dating again and I'm determined to find Mr. Right—a man who can make me come and make me laugh, but with the honesty and integrity my former partner lacked.
And when that happens? I'm planning on enjoying the last laugh.